When I was 29 years old I was eons away from being light-hearted. In many ways my life looked normal and quite lovely. I had a master’s degree in art history, a two year old baby girl, and a wonderful young husband, but the truth was something different. My husband was dying at age 34 from esophageal cancer. In fact, he did die that year after a two year struggle that began shortly after our daughter was born. I was a raw nerve ending – frazzled and anxiety-ridden; sleep deprived; grief stricken; and angry. I’ve heard many people over the years say it would be their worst nightmare. It was my worst nightmare too, and a huge turning point in my life.
I suffered tremendously during the two years after my husband’s death. I was terrified of being responsible for my life and the life of my daughter. So for a few years into widowhood I was on a pretty wild ride that was equal parts misery and epiphany.
The misery included:
- moving 3 or 4 times because I couldn’t figure out where I belonged
- anxiety-driven sleep deprivation
- relentless self-criticism
- paralyzing fear about money
- attracting some not-so-great people into my life as a result of my ungroundedness
The epiphanies included:
- moving back to where I started because I realized that finding home is an inside job
- learning to pray again because I needed to sleep and needed to feel safe enough to relax
- recognizing that I was never going to heal if I didn’t change that critical inner voice and learn some self-compassion
- recognizing that abundance is a state of mind
- finding enough courage to put some boundaries into my life
The biggest epiphany for me was realizing that I had INTUITION, and if I could learn to listen to it and trust, it would lead me to something beautiful in my life. It would help me find joy again -help me be a better mother; an empowered person; an artist and contributor in life. I had no idea at the time HOW all of this could unfold, but I knew that I had to start somewhere. As soon as I made the decision to start listening to my intuition magical synchronicities began to unfold – teachers and opportunities began to appear. I don’t want to give the impression that it all happened overnight because it didn’t – but it did start to happen.
My intuition led me to the Berkshires where I now live. My daughter has just started high school, and I work everyday on something creative in order to feed my own spirit. When I gave my heart some breathing room it led me to art which has been incredibly healing and inspiring to my spirit. I learned to work with tarot cards and have also developed a spiritual practice over the years. All of this ultimately led to the creation of my business: Light Heart Spirit Portraits. I’m now inspired to start this blog in order to share my work in a larger and more consistent way. I’ll show you what I’m up to creatively; share messages from spirit; introduce you to the tarot (an amazing way to cultivate your own intuition); and let you know what I’m reading about and learning. I’m excited to begin and thanks for reading!